Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.

When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.

A Cobol programmer made so much money doing Y2K remediation that he was able to have himself cryogenically frozen when he died. One day in the future, he was unexpectedly resurrected. When he asked why he was unfrozen, he was told: "It's the year 9999 - and you know Cobol."