To celebrate Aussies' America's cup win 30 years ago, former Prime Minister tells audiences a joke

There's three blokes, a Frenchman, an Englishman and an Aussie, and they’re hiking in the Andes in the middle of summer. It's about 45 bloody degrees. Sweatin' like pigs. The get to the top of this mountain, they look down and there's this most beautiful, pristine lagoon. They go scrambling down the side of the mountain, get their gear off and dive in. Ohhhh, bloody marvellous.

The natives come and grab 'em. Take 'em to the chief. Chief says, "You have broken most sacred law. This our most sacred site. For this you die. When we kill you, we take off skin. Out of skin make canoe! Put canoes on lake. Permanent reminder for all people: never infringe our most sacred site. Tie them up!"

They tie 'em up. He says to the Frenchman, "Before you die, you have one last wish. What your last wish?" And he said, "Eh, I would, ehm, I would like a knife." So they bring him a knife. He says, "I'm not going to die at the hands of you savages. Vive la France!" (stabbing noise) Pchhhhhwwww. And over he goes.

Then he says to the Englishman, "What your last wish?" "Mng, like my friend from across the channel, I too would like a knife." They bring him a knife and he says, "Mng, like my friend from across the channel, I too am not going to die at the hands of you savages. God save the Queen!" (stabbing noise) Pchh, pchwwwww.

Then, say to the Aussie, "What your last wish?" He said, "I want a fork." So they bring him a fork and he goes, (stabbing noises) pchwww, pchwww, pchwww, pchwww pchwww. "There goes yer fuckin' canoe."