General Melchett: "Performance isn't a dirty word, Blackadder. Accountability is a dirty word, but performance isn't."
If you have never experienced performance tuning and testing, you should quit your I.T. job and work in a pet shop instead. If you know how to run LoadRunner (not Lode Runner, not the game), you are definitely a "qualified" and over-rated consultant who could demand big money but only make mealy mouthful work. If you know something beyond like JMeter and Grinder but not everything else, you are either too old or already out of fashion.
Introduce Gatling, a new stress testing tool with a different dimension.
• It uses concise and elegant script language to write BDD style testing scenarios, actually it's Scala.
• It uses actors and async IO patterns, asynchronous parallel computing, far more efficience than one-thread-per-user design.
• It gives more accurate results with far less memory and CPU usage.
Gatling Project - Stress Tool
I couldn't remember exact his words because at that time the beer still dribbled from his mouth when he talked. Anyway his point is to learn, understand and master a new language by using it to write test from beginning.
Gatling I reckon gives your full god "excuse" but the most important - the motivation to start learning, writing and practicing in Scala ...